Jason Who?: The Splatterhouse Review

There's a point in this game where after you shove monsters onto "butt-plugs" attached to chairs that go into an incinerator, your mask comments, "You see, this is the kind of shit that got us an 'M' rating." In any other game that was meant to be scary, this would come off as cheesy, almost like "Jill Sandwich," or "Master of Unlocking," or even "Don't open. THAT DOOR!" Funny how those all come from Resident Evil... But, somehow, Splatterhouse is different. It doesn't try to be serious horror, it doesn't even try to be scary for the most part. It tries to be mindless, bloody action.

You know they succeeded when the title screen pops up, a squirming zombie that Rick punches so hard that he explodes into bloody chunks. Those bloody chunks are the menu. And, that doesn't even begin to describe the bloody violence that's in this game. It's incomparable to even an "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoon. The violence is over the top, and the writing is disturbingly crude. And yet... the game is one of the most amazing action games I've played in a long, long time.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is a great game due to it's serious writing, amazing graphics, beautiful soundtrack, and mostly phenomenal game play (I've had some control issues with the game, but I still loved it). Splatterhouse is great for different reasons. The writing is not serious at all, the graphics are great in a comic way, and the soundtrack is mostly purely heavy metal. Castlevania is the Pan's Labyrinth of video games, with its classy story and presentation. Splatterhouse is the Dead-Alive of video games with its decadent violence and writing. Both are extremely worth the price of admission in there own rights.

What's tricky about Splatterhouse is that it never seems to know when to draw the line. The "Splatter Kills" offers you a chance to see some gruesome monster deaths, whether it's ripping arms off or pulling the lungs out of a gaping hole that used to have a head on it. The violence, while over the top, is both sickening and funny at the same time. The Mask's commentary is rude, disturbing, and sometimes a little upsetting ("Oh, Dr. West, it's so BIG," while imitating Rick's girlfriend, Jennifer), but usually very funny. It adds spice to the "Save the girlfriend" plot while making fun of itself. But, where it does get a little carried away is with the collectable pictures that Jennifer leaves for you to follow her trail. Why is she carrying naked pictures of herself, and with as much gore and violence there is in the game, the nudity seems a little too forced.

The story, though, is written very well. It flows soothly from level to level, and despite its humor, does have some scary parts. The first time you meet one of the bosses (a rehash of one from the original game), you're left with a feeling of both dread and nostalgia. As far as remakes go, Splatterhouse isn't a remake so much as it is a tribute to the original games.

This shows in the level design, as well. Not all of the levels have boss battles, instead opting for a massive battle in the end of certain levels. But, where the level design stands out with the occasional side-scrolling sections of the level. They're done to feel like the original game's levels, but even have covers of the original games' music tracks. They sneak in sometimes in the non-side-scrolling parts as well.

Presentation is done very well and with style. You barely notice the cell shading due to the frantic nature of the game's combat system. The sound is eerie and the voice acting, especially Jim "I was once attached to a dog" Cummings as the mask. I love Jim Cummings's voice work, and this is no exception. The team could've hired Mark Hammil to use his Joker voice for the Mask, and it would've felt incomplete. Cummings brings the Mask to life.

The most important thing in this is the game play. Compared to this team's last game Afro Samurai, they learned there lessons. You can control the camera, but the set camera never acts against you. Combat is smooth and ferocious, unlike God of War's and Dante's Inferno's combat where you'll always get countered when you can't help but stop fighting. While the "Splatter Kills" arguably pull you out of the game, it never punishes you for using them, often pausing the combat so you can get back into the fray. Even the platforming (which, I think, outshines Lords of Shadow due to the camera work) feels natural. If you die in this game (and you will... a lot), you can count on the fact that it's because of the right reasons. How's this for a kicker: Even after dying, the game is so fun that you don't mind doing that part over again?

What we have with Splatterhouse is a properly done remake. It's done with respect to the original game (and includes all three of the originals on disc) to the point that it isn't a remake; it's a modern homage to the original. It's at the right difficulty, but its consistently hard, and always fun. Namco, if any of you guys read this, know this: after Afro Samurai, I was worried when you started doing this game. After playing it, I am very pleased. Splatterhouse may be the best action game we've had in a long time.

Over all: A

+ Extremely fun to play

+ Comes with the classics

+ Awesome presentation and sound

+ An Homage to the Originals

+ Difficult but fair

+ Decadent

-/+ Really? Naked photos?