Cinema Genesis: Captain America: Super Soldier

Brace yourselves, people, we're talking about movie games today! What I'm about to say, though, may shock and frighten some of you, but trust me, I understand. It could always be worse, especially when the worst game I've played isn't a movie game, but a sequ... reboot? At least, this year. I can't tell if what may be the worst game I played last year may make a come back. I do have one question about them both, though: What's with terrible games having trophy pictures that are flipping the player off? Anyway, today, we're talking about a super hero. Oh, God, no, not that one! An actual hero, and not one who sold his marriage to the devil, and met the President (not in that order?) No, we're talking about Captain America: Super Soldier.

For those of you who saw the movie, you know that there was a lot of things skimmed over, such as Cap and his team destroying several Hydra bases. The game takes place in one of these missions, playing as Captain America as he shuts down AA guns, and destroys the Hydra base. It is a shallow plot, but it doesn't need to be Oscar material. All you need is Cap and Red Skull fighting, right? Well, you won't get that.

That's the first issue with Captain America's game. It takes a lot from Arkham Asylum, including combat, and adding crippling moves. But, you never fight anyone really menacing. You fight a guy with a robot arm called "The Satan Claw," a walking tank, and a robot with a TV inside it's stomach. All of them go down after punching the crap out of them, and then finishing them off. But, there's one boss in this game that pisses me off like no other boss: Madame Hydra.

There's a reason her boss battle pisses me off, and it isn't because it's hard. It's actually quite easy on paper. Reflect her bullets at her until she dies. By the time you get to her, you've reflected a lot of bullets, so it should be easy as cake. You're more wrong than Lex Luthor would ever yell. The timing changes every time she fires a shot. It gets even better, too, because she has a habit of running around in a circle, never stopping. The game is allegedly eight hours long. An hour and a half of it was fighting Madame Hydra because she keeps running around like the flash on speed. When she does stop, she looks at you as if she's tired of being in the game, then starts running again. Maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky, she'll remember she has to kill you.

These types of boss battles are tedious, not fun. I want to fight the boss on my terms, not when ever her lungs feel like collapsing. It's even worse once she's halfway dead, because then, she runs into other rooms, and you have to hunt her down. Apparently, this game became a Bambi Hunt. When you finally catch her, you have to do it all over again, this time, with her on the ground while bad guys fight you. You'll be able to punch her, but that doesn't hurt her much. You can try to throw your shield, but she belly dances, dodges it, then gets to hit you for free. Call me crazy, but, isn't that just a bit ridiculous? The whole game, you use your shield to fight. This boss avoids it like the plague, and you get hit because you did what the game has told you to do the entire time. It's like if an FPS punished you for shooting a guy who has a knife.

The bosses and enemies are cheesy. I mean, Power Rangers cheesy. You fight cosplay rejects at best and people dressed as cardboard robots at worst. It took me a while for me to realize that the guy with the metal jackhammer arm is the same as the guy with the shield. He has the same moves, only one uses a shield to smash the ground. Even the kill move is the same, involving the guy grabbing your arm, requiring you to bash a button to escape. It's a pain to see the same thing over and over again, but it's funny to watch Cap's face of, "Really? Again? I'm just going to wrench it out of your grip and punch you!" I swear I let some guys win out of pity.

It's not a bad game, though, for a movie game. The first half of it will keep a player entertained, but after that, you've seen what the game has to offer. The highlights wear thin quickly, and the lows are numerous, like the collectibles. There is a metric shitload of collectibles in this game for some reason. I understand the Zemo Diaries, the film reels, and dossiers. Why am I looking for ceramic eggs? Is Cap bolstering his own collection?

As far as movie based games go, it's pretty good. If it were any other type of game, I'd be crying in my sleep. Luckily, I have another movie game to do that with...