Game Over, Man! Game Over: The Saw II:Flesh and Blood Review

The worst game I've ever played up to this point has been Bullet Witch, an XBox 360 game about a witch with a gun as a broomstick (I guess it's really a boomstick),which controlled like throwing a brick with an remote controlled car engine attached to it, then trying to steer it. Graphically, it looked about as on par as an Xbox game, but that slid due to it being one of the first next gen games to hit the market. The controls, though, didn't have that excuse, and the fact that an enemy goes from being easy to killing you in one hit in the course of one level made Bullet Witch and indelible mark of horrendous gaming on my mind, where it's been the butt of several jokes for four years.

How was I to know that Konami, one of my favorite game publishers, would publish its successor? What's more is that I didn't even know that it'd be a sequel to a game that I secretly liked (despite the fact that the game was terrible). I should've known that this was going to a bad trip to Jigsaw's basement when I paid a whopping total of $9.00 for it (admittedly, I sold some stuff, but the point stands). Reader, prepare yourself for Saw II: Flesh and Blood.

The story follows Michael Tapp, the son of Detective Tapp from the first movie and game, as he... um... he does... something. Seriously, as hard as I'm trying to as I write this review, I cannot tell you what the story is! All I can tell you is that Michael is a giant jerk who screws over anyone at the drop of a pin, and Jigsaw wants to teach him a lesson. But, the beginning of the game, we play as Campbell, who did... something, and needs to get to an elevator before someone else does. The end of the game depends on how you complete the first chapter. Should someone die in the first chapter, you get a different ending. At least, that's what it's supposed to do. Instead, it killed me, and I had to start over. This is especially annoying as you go through the game trying to keep someone alive, only for them to die in the end because you saved someone else in the beginning of the game. It makes your efforts seem completely futile, and is not clever writing in the least bit.

Let's talk about the writing real quick. As we all know, lately, games are incomplete without "Trophies" or "Achievements," depending on what system you have. Saw II is no different, but, unlike Saw, you don't get an award for stupid things such as, well, dying or standing for five minutes. You do, though, get an award for letting someone die. This is more comical due to the fact that you can't save him in the first place. You get an award for something you have no say in whatsoever. That's about as dumb as getting a prize for not dying engulfed in flames in Katamari Damacy, even though you can't do that in the first place. Fittingly, one of the images for a Trophy after you beat the game is a guy in an elevator flipping the player off. It's the most appropriate image I've seen in any game, oddly enough.

First of all, it's appropriate due to the fact that it retcons everything. It retcons the movies, the first game, and even itself. Seriously, after I beat a level, not five minutes later, it told me that I never played that part. So, what exactly was I doing last level if that never happened, watching Yahtzee Croshaw make a pompous ass of himself? Actually, that's a distinct possibility since he's about as enjoyable as a Jigsaw trap (ZING!).

Secondly, it's appropriate due to the fact that this game is as far away from a game as it could get. Here's what I said about the combat in the first game: "I don't know if this was intended by story or if this was a glitch, but Tapp moves slowly when he attacks. Even with a light weapon, like a knife, he moves like he's in Jell-o. This means that before you complete the attack, the guy you're fighting hit you first, even if he's using a Nail-bat. What you'd have to do is press the "Attack mode" button, press attack, and run up to the guy while attacking. Even then, you'd be lucky to get the attack in without getting hurt first." How did Zombie Studios remedy this? By making almost every bit of combat a quick time event. It's hard to get into a game when the game stops everything so you can fight a random Joe Schlumbob. When it isn't a quick time event, you're fighting a guy who runs blindly at you, so you bullfight him off of a cliff or into a wall. The first time this is done it clever, but after five more times, adding two more for a guy who runs up to you to strangle you with razor bladed arms, it gets dull. Quick.

Oh, and there's one hit kills in this game. Such as the guys above who hug you to death. You have to avoid them, and, in one case, while solving a puzzle. This lead to an amusing moment where I was solving a puzzle, but the guy walked up next to me. The camera cuts to him staring at me for five seconds, as if waiting for me to finish before he killed me. This is made more amusing because after you get past these two guys, you play their tapes, in which you find out that they needed you alive. So, why the hell are they trying to kill me? Are they just Lenny from The Grapes of Wrath, seeing me as a new pet bunny and losing control over there cuddling? Another guy runs full force at you, trying to impale you, while screaming "Save me!"due to him having spikes that impale him when he hits me. Imagine, if you will, a guy holding a gun out while a gun is strapped to his chest, and will go off by remote control. What does he do? He screams for help while shooting at everything that moves. Do you want help, or not? I don't think Jigsaw's victims in this deserve the traps, they're just not sane!

The puzzle make a return with some new additions. These new additions wear out their welcome pretty quickly because they're repeated ad nauseam. The new, first person lock picking game is annoying. You either guide the lockpick through moving tumblers or move the tumblers so a moving lockpick can go through them. Like the first game, the puzzle pieces are randomized, so roughly %90 of the time, the puzzles are unsolvable. Another issue is that some of the puzzles have some weird objectives, such as being told to get the board to light up in one color when the actual objective is have all of the lights light up. Another puzzle puts me in a room to get a combination based on symbols. Only one of the symbols is numbered, so I had to guess the other two numbers on the combination lock, which was across an unjumpable gap and no other way around. Making this ever more annoying is the fact that when you're injured, a delightful red ring wraps around the screen and makes everything darker so you cannot see two feet in front of you with a flash light on. Keep in mind that the entire game is in darkness.

Sound is barely existent at point, and I wish that it stayed that way. Voice work is awful, and laughable. One tape has Tapp literally screaming "WHO IS JIGSAW?!" with the same gusto that William Shatner screamed "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Though, I'd like to hear when a trap has screwed me over instead of just magically dying for no reason.

Konami has done some fantastic horror games, Silent Hill, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow... Saw II is not one of them. It's not even close to being a good horror game at all. Sequels are supposed to improve on the game. I hope that Zombie studios realizes this before they make a new Saw game. Scratch that, I hope they don't even bother.

Overall: F

+ Unintentionally funny

- Unintentionally difficult for the wrong reasons

- Bad voice acting

- Makes what was wrong in the first game worse

-/+ "JIGSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!" remixes are inevitable