Where's My Bubblegum?: The "Duke Nukem Forever" Review

Here's a set piece for you: You're protecting two busty twins from an alien invasion. After you kill so many of them, one of the twins says, "I will never do anything naughty ever again! I swear it!" To this, the other replies. "Don't say that! He won't save you if he hears that!" It's a joke that, in the '90's, would have caused a crap load of controversy, to the point where it wouldn't get placed in a game, due to it joking about the objectifying of women. Yes, it's offensive. But, what else would you expect from a game with Duke Nukem?

Here's the trick, though. That was the point of the joke. The twins really thought that Duke Nukem wouldn't save them if they refused to be naughty, which makes it an underhanded jab at the character that raises some questions about our character, such as, "Is Duke really a hero if his motivation for fighting is sex?"

That's just one of the things that Duke Nukem Forever did that was interesting. The story is what you would imagine, Aliens invade Las Vegas while the President thinks he can make peace with the aliens. He even goes so far as to ban Duke from attacking the aliens, only for them to attack Duke first. Hidden in the narrative are subtle jabs like the one stated before, as well as the President blaming Duke for LA's destruction in Duke Nukem 3D. The game tries its best to make Duke look like a dubious character, without changing the character at all, showing that while the times have changed, Duke hasn't.

And, it works, too. Duke still keeps spouting one-liners from movies ("Tonight, you dine in hell!"), as well as finding items from both other games and movies, such as Portal, Halo, Dead Space, Inception, and more. Yes, Duke's lines have changed, but the character has not. You know what, though? I wouldn't have it any other way.

The game (you just lost it) plays like every other shooter. It's not that that makes the game, though, despite the fact that the firefights are a lot of fun. What makes the game is the level design. In quite a few levels, there are multiple solutions to the platforming sections, i.e. when miniaturized in Duke Burger, I knocked over a cup I was supposed to use to get to a ledge, then found a way to climb up to it. Not all the platforming puzzles have several answers, but they do have interesting twists. Walking through gears in the dam level, for example... just watch a video of it, it's very intense.

Instead of a life bar, Duke's ego drains when he gets hit, and regenerates over time. This also gives players a chance to interact with objects that will boost your ego. Most of these are early in the game, such as a pinball machine, pool, and a mirror, with new ones appearing in the middle of the game that boost your health more. Boss battles also give permanent boosts, as well. Trust, me, too... you'll need them. Enemies hit hard and fast, and often move faster than you can aim. This game is no walk in the park.

The one thing I can fault this game on (other than the pop-in textures that are in many Unreal Engine games), is that the puzzles feel old, and there isn't a lot of combat. Most of the game is exploration, spacing out intense battles while allowing you to see more of the game. This isn't all bad, especially when the puzzles are solved by exploration. Mainly, it's the physics puzzles that feel dated, and done before. At the same time, the environment is amazingly interactive, ranging from writing on a white board, to picking up paper airplanes and throwing them. I just wish there was more, you know, actual battles. It is Duke Nukem, after all.

I don't care what every other reviewer has said this far (but that's another article). Duke Nukem Forever, while not a game that should have taken 14 years to make, is a damn good game. It's funny, fun to play, and a good nostalgic reminder of when games were about fun, not plot. I just wish there was more of what made Duke the King. I'll say one thing, though. Duke is right: "Power armor is for pussies."

Over all:

B

+ Duke is back.
+ Good, fun shooting.
+ Great level design.
- Dated physics puzzles
- Not enough shooting
+ After 12 f***ing years, it is good.