If Jerry Springer Made Games...

I was amused yesterday by something so childish, that I could not help but play through the entire game. I traded in a few games and got two oldies but goodies (Condemned 2 and The Darkness) and one of the worst games I've ever played, Rogue Warrior. It isn't that the gameplay is broken (which it is), or that the graphics are pale in comparison to most other games (which they kind of are). Hell, it's not even that the game is glitchy (Alpha Protocol aspires to be as buggy as this game is), or the fact that it's a whopping 3 hours long (yes, I beat the game in one sitting). What makes the game bad is the writing. By writing, I mean, taking Mickey Rourke out to a bar, get him drunk, and record him rambling, making sure to use the most vulgar lines in this game.

This was kind of amusing due to the fact that it made the game feel all the less real. I mean, sure, it's pretty unrealistic to run up to a random guy and stab him without him seeing you, but when you hear, "Drop dead, motherfucker, you motherfuckin' amateur!" you cannot help but laugh. That is, until you realize that this is one of several "one-liners" he uses that seem like he's a rambling drunk, who would fit better in Condemned 2.

I understand putting language like that in a game meant for a mature audience for realism (or in the case of Killer7, surrealism), but by the second level and the second time hearing, "C*** Breath fuckin' Commie Motherfuckers!" you really have to think that a two year-old with Tourrette's and a bizarre infatuation with Reservoir Dogs wrote the game. Oh, and that's not the worst part. For some reason, the character, based on Dick Marcinko (a real life Navy SEAL), has a strange trait of talking about his enemies penis size and , why not, Polar Bear Testicles. I am pretty sure that if Marcinko saw this game in action, the developers would not be safe. Ever.

Being in the Army, I've heard some pretty vulgar things, but this game takes the cake. It's offensive to others and its pretty damn offensive that this is how people see the military. But, at the same time, I can't deny the fact that its so over the top bad that it's almost redeeming, then back to being offensive again. It takes away from the fact that I cannot review the gameplay of the game because it's just another FPS (a phrase I usually hate, but applies), only with more language in it. The only thing this game does to stand out is use the "f-bomb" so much, that George Carlin is begging people to create another vulgar word because "fuck" has lost its meaning.