A Message To Yahtzee Croshaw, Should He Happen To Actually Read This: Shut the Fuck Up

I have a love/hate relationship with Escapist "Journalist," Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. Okay, it's more like we share the same first name, and some of his reviews are funny, but the rest come off as him being a self important dick. Granted, that may be his point, but that's usually the humor I don't like without any good reason (i.e. Nostalgia Critic making fun of a good movie by only showing half of the movie cutting out the important parts, and saying it has "plot holes", but I digress). Yahtzee has a habit of making fun of games, both good and bad. Even though he admits to liking some of the good games (Bioshock for example), some of the ones he hates are for no reason other than most everyone else loves them (Uncharted 2).

Then, I saw his Darksiders review. Granted, I'm not real thrilled with the game, but I respect the artist who worked on it on several levels. That artist is Joe Madureira, a renown comic book artist. The last thing Yahtzee said is to "exercise art direction with a fucking aesthetic sense, for the love of God... (of War)." This was due to the fact that all of the designs of the characters in Darksiders are complex. I'll agree that this may not be a good thing all the time, but I'll get back to that. What irks me is the fact that this is aimed at an acclaimed artist, where as Yahtzee is not an artist, but a game designer and "reviewer." I assumed, though, it was meant to be humorous, as most of his videos are, which is why I didn't rant on it. Then I read this.

First, let me site some of the designs he mentions being better than War's. The Team Fortress 2 Sniper. He says:

"Tall, slim build. Open-necked shirt and hunter vest with rifle shells on right breast. Sunglasses. Grim, frowning set to features. Slouch hat."

Two images come to mind: This and this. Yes, people, the Sniper is essentially the drug-fiend, firearm weilding Gonzo reporter, Hunter S. Thompson, in design, the personality being completely different. It can also be argued that he's in Hunter attire, i.e. for a Safari, but with a different hat. Either way, the design does indeed work, but it isn't necessarily a marvel of what game character design should be for every game, other than that it fits the game he's in.

About Kratos: The skirt and footwear immediately indicate the ancient historical setting. The white skin is part of Kratos' backstory, while also making him very distinct among crowds of attacking enemies. The chains on his arms symbolize his servitude to higher beings. The general absence of other clothing makes him seem all the more brutal and animalistic. Here, it says, is a man unafraid of pain. That's especially obvious from the tattoo - you might want to look into some of the ancient tattooing methods from history, then imagine doing that to most of your face.

First, I do agree about the skirt and footwear, and the skin being tied to his history. After all, Kratos is "the Ghost of Sparta." But, making him distinct among crowds of enemies? The fact that he's not wearing armor whereas the enemies are takes care of that. Hell, half of his humanoid enemies don't even have skin! The chains only represent his servitude to Ares in the first game. In the rest, they represent his violent past and sins being bound to him. But, this is still arguable due to personal interpretation. The absence of clothes making him seem more brutal? Yes, and no. Hell, Torque from The Suffering looks pretty animalistic, but he has clothes. Kratos has armor in part of the second game, as well, when he's a God, but he's even more brutal than he is in the first game. He may not have clothes on because it A: Restricts his free flowing movements, B: It instills fear into his enemies (the not fearing pain bit) or C: to cause him more pain. Notice, the only time he has armor is the beginning of God of War 2.

Finally, his verdict on War: So, where to begin. War has a thing on his head that I can only describe as a "red riding hood." His long white hair spills out the front and a symbol that doesn't mean shit is cut into his forehead. ... Fuck, I dunno. War is apparently some kind of grotesque Thalidomide victim. He wears a cowl to cover the fact that he has a girls' hairdo. He likes wearing faces on his armor, presumably so he has something to talk to when he gets lonely. He is also very cross all the time, probably because it takes him an hour to get dressed every fucking morning, and by noon the sweat would make him smell like a wrestler's laundry basket. And from a distance he looks a bit like a giant metal haystack.

Now, tell me, what does Kratos' tattoo mean exactly? Yes, the ancient method of tattooing was extremely painful, but, for design purposes, Yahtzee hacks one character for having a meaningless symbol on his forehead while a character he likes has a meaningless tattoo on his whole body that means nothing. Playing Devil's Advocate, it could be that Kratos' tattoo is essentially a symbol of his pain, or lack of fear of pain, where as War isn't supposed to feel pain. The tattoo on War's head could be a marker of him being a Horseman, War, fighting for the Council, or even the fact that he is in servitude to the council. It could be a branding, like he was so much cattle.

The faces on the armor, War's color scheme (his Red Cowl) the long hair, its all an interpretation meant to make him both fit into the game's universe as well as have an artistic interpretation of what War was meant to be. Granted, its a very loose interpretation, and I'm not a fan of the design myself, but that isn't the point here. The point in part, is that this is what Joe Madureira interpreted as War, be it for better or for worse. Yes, it fits in with the game, but that doesn't mean it is attractive. At the same turn, that doesn't mean Yahtzee should try to give him the advice of "back the fuck off from his drawing table before he does the world permanent damage." And here's why; who is Yahtzee to say this to an artist who is respected enough to have a game made from his designs?

Here's the kicker. As some of you may know, I'm a graphic designer. When we get an assignment from a client, that client gives us specifications of what they want in their design. We draw up some designs, and the client picks the one they like best out of all of those designs. Sometimes, they like the best design in our opinion, sometimes they like the worst. This goes for game art design as well; sometimes they pick winners, sometimes losers. But, either way, most of the time, the artist only gets that little creative say into what goes into the game, once they design it, comp it, and give it to the graphics guys, they go to the next part of it while the art director supervises it all. Oh, and they art director also gets the say in which of the artist's designs even go through to the game creators. So that's at least two people that can trash all of the designs, making the artist start over.

It's possible that the developers picked one of the worst designs for War. And, yes, the unlockable concept art may show similar designs, but again, there are a lot more designs involved than the ones you see in a game. A good game to prove this is Brutal Legend. The unlockable concepts tend to vary more widely, in fact showing the main character with a beard.

Of course, this may fall on the deaf ears of the pompous know-it-alls who follow the same line of thinking of Yahtzee. And, yes, I realize the hypocrisy of the statement I just made. But here's the trick; I know what work goes into these designs, and how much work it take to get a character design, logo design, or even background design to its final stages. I also know that not all comic book art follows the suit of War. In fact, what Yahtzee says about comics shows that he knows nothing about how good comics are written, meaning he went into this with a bias. In fact, I can site some of Madureira's work as being proof that all of his designs aren't like War. As for good comic examples that prove Yahtzee is biased: A Red Mass for Mars, Watchmen, and a guilty pleasure for me, Spider-Man:The Other.

So, what I am trying to say is this: Yahtzee, a man whose design skills range from pixel graphics that are barely distinguishable as humans to basic MS Paint skills, should be one of the last people bashing a professional artist, and comic art as a whole. I don't review games and complain about the level design from a technical standpoint without doing research on it. In fact, I review games on more of a story, graphics , and overall gameplay basis, because I grew up gaming, and doing more artistic things as well as being a designer. I stick with what I know, because what I do know, I know a lot, and the technical stuff is not what I know a lot about. If Yahtzee is such an expert game designer, then he should stick to the technical aspects, because he doesn't show off any skill in the aesthetic aspect, in both reviewing and creating. I only say this because his rant ultimately culminates to "I can't do it this any better, so I'll be a meanhearted bastard," as opposed to any professional aspect, even in humor.

Maybe it's Yahtzee who should back away from the desk.

Oh, a side note, yes, I tried playing one of Yahtzee's games. It sucked... but that's just my opinion because it didn't control well, and ended up frustrating me to the point of seeing red. It also wasn't my style, therefore I won't delve too deep into it. Why did I go on this tangent? Because, I only bother to mention the gameplay, due to it being made on a Game Maker-esque program that was very limited, thereby saying it wasn't completely his fault. But, I'm still staying far away from 1313.