Riddle Me This: How Much Should I Pay For Having The Joker Mentioning Wearing a Thong?

Review time again, kiddies!

Developer: Rocksteady

Publisher: Eidos

Game: Batman: Arkham Asylum

There is a point in the game where Scarecrow gasses you and Joker asks: "What are you most afraid of? Failure to catch criminals? Deaths of loved ones? Me-- IN A THONG?!" The line cracks you up, but does not in anyway make you forget that your playing in a serious game. You are throat deep in psychotic inmates, the city is in danger, and to top it all off, not one but FIVE of your worst enemies has it out for you. This is a night in the life of Batman, and not your usual one either.

I'm usually reluctant to buy into hyped, "big-named" titles, mainly because by the time I play them, I've played something better. People have fond memories of "Resident Evil," I was scared shitless by "Silent Hill." Boys wanted to be Dante and hunt demons, I wanted to be Kratos, and destroy mythology. The lone exception to this has been "Bioshock," and that game made "Doom 3" look like drivel... (OK... so it kind of was in a way, but it was still a good game). But, when I heard the concept, I was on board for the ride. Batman locked in Arkham with the Joker. Fine. Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill and Arleen Sorkin voicing Batman, Joker, and Harley. Holy Nerdgasm!

As I said, Joker takes over Arkham, lets almost every inmate free, and takes control of the island, leaving Batman to stop him. On top of that, Riddler wants you to try to prove that you are smarter than him, Scarecrow wants to scare you for his experiment, Poison Ivy wants to save her "babies," and Croc wants to... eat you. Hey, we can't all have intelligent schemes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FuAuWgZmQM). The entire game takes place through out the asylum, and you'll do some back tracking, but by the time you do, the area has changed drastically. This keeps the game from getting monotonous, and is extremely effective.

A lot of people compare the game to "Bioshock," but for the wrong reasons. The story is somewhat similar, but there is no twist in the game. Instead, you fight hordes of henchmen, sometimes having to be a silent predator, and occasionally face your fears. The one gripe is the predator parts, mainly because the difficulty isn't gradual enough. You start fighting four guys and being able to hide by swinging from gargoyle to gargoyle. Halfway through the game, you face eight guys, and they rigged the gargoyles to explode when you perch on them, or someone sees you, even though his back is turned. This could be because stealth games aren't my forte, though.

The game looks nothing like the Unreal engine at some points, and this is good. Joker and Scarecrow shouldn't look super buff, and thanks to the design team, they look right. But, some of the concept art for the bios... since when did Dr. Hugo Strange have biceps the size of his chest? At least Penguin looks like a human instead of a mutated Danny DaVito. This isn't to say that the main bosses all look good, though. Croc looks like a lizard (ichthyosis isn't that extreme without being deadly), and Bane looks like a Mardi Gras themes Lucha Libre.

Voice work is mostly hit, with one big miss: The Riddler. He sounds too much like a high school AV student who thinks he's better than everyone, and not enough like a genius know-it-all. Mark Hamill is great as Joker (too bad its the last time he'll play him), and Scarecrow sends chills at times. What makes these lines work, whether the voice work is bad, or superb, is the writing. Riddler at one point asks a riddle, and his version of the answer is absolutely disturbing. This may be a T rated game, but scenes like this (and the final boss) make you wonder how it is.

Most action games take about 8 hours to beat. Arkham took a little under 24, total. This is well worth the money alone. But, perhaps the most interesting part is that, while not once, do you forget you're Batman, this game would work with Strider, or Shinobi. That says something about the quality of the game. Even if you don't like superheroes, this game is worth a look.

Overall: A

+ Great Production

+ Plays Great, Sounds Great, Looks Great

- Should've been rated "M"

- Riddler sounds like a child

-/+ Sequel?

Thoughts On Goria #1: Fighting Techniques, Models, and Shorts

I've been developing this comic for nine years, and I'm now getting to the point that I am starting to seriously work on Goria. This weekend, I'm working with two models that are posing as Sodom and Gommorah, and planning on short stories, and I'm planning "animations" of character's fighting techniques. I'm going to start with the fighting techniques of certain characters.

The first one is, of course, Goria. Goria uses an unusual technique for fighting, as it really doesn't fit any classification. Instead of relying on combinations of punches and kicks, Goria relies on defending himself at the same time he's fighting. He sets his tendrils out to block incoming attacks, grapple, and counter attack, while swinging and kicking. While this could keep his enemies on their toes, it keeps him balanced, and grounded to reality, as he's trying to avoid getting hit. On top of this, most of his movements are quick ground or arial launch moves that take advantage of his gymnastic abilities, such as using his tentacles as a makeshift pummelhorse, and swinging from flagpoles and ledges. Due to the constant changing of style that he uses, I can only describe this as "organic."

As a contrast, I was thinking of Azrael's fighting style. Azrael, for those new to this, is the "ultimate infected," a woman who was infected with such a high amount of Necrocyte, that her body mutated into an monstrosity, bones piercing her skin, skin worn to expose dried, over developed muscle, and odd protrusions that she uses as make shift weapons. When she fights, she tends to go for more severe blows, the heavier the better. She doesn't waste time trying to tire her opponent out, she hits hard, to fit her savage nature. She is the perfect contrast to Goria's technique, which also means that her technique is his weakness, as he may not be able to block every hit without getting hurt more and more.

I'm currently working on writing Goria shorts, that will show a little bit of the background of the characters. This presents an bizarre challenge with Sodom and Gomorrah. Gomorrah truely loves Sodom, and that's easy to portray. But, at the same time, I have to portray Sodom as someone who sees their relationship as a purely parasitic relationship. Sodom is only in the relationship for her benefit, but she hides this from Gomorrah, using her ability to make Gomorrah think that Sodom's emotions are genuine.

Now, to finish, I'm working on promo posters and covers. I'm finding that there are a lot of models that fit my needs right now. Playboy models Jessica Boston looks nearly identical to Elaine Carver, my lawyer is the inspiration for Mina Ross, and Playboy model Tiffany Schlumbrecht looks exactly like Sodom. But the most unusual find came from my friend, Jenna, and that would be the reference model for Gomorrah. Jenna's friend, Regan, bears not only a striking resemblance to Gomorrah facially and build-wise, but even has the tattoos. I've hit a run of finding people that look extremely close to my characters, and I think that's a good thing, because it means that I'm making characters as realistic as possible. W00.

Capcom, You Greedy, Money Grubbing Jerks

I'll be honest, I have nothing against the PS3, other than most of its line up. Little Big Planet looks fun as hell, and Infamous looks amazing. Those are the only two Exclusive games I'd buy for it, though, and its not worth the $400 that I don't have. And I'm happy being a PS2-DS-Wii60 owner. Between a choice of Drake's Fortune and Gears of War, give me a "NICE!" any day. I'm not alone in this process of thinking, as millions would probably agree.

So, that established, why in the hell can't Capcom figure this out for themselves? I bought Street Fighter IV months ago, and sold it the next day because Capcom programmed the game to work perfectly with the "Fight Stick," and not so well with the 360 controller. I'll admit that the thumb sticks are loose and bad for fighting games, but I was happy at the time, because I could play Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. Later, I bought BlazBlue, and realized something: the controls weren't the issue, the programming was. BlazBlue uses many of the same joystick movements that the Street Fighter series has used, and it doesn't need a fight stick to play.

Go to years ago; me and my older brother spent weekends playing Marvel vs Capcom 2 on his Dreamcast. The play was fun, the graphics were amazing, and the weekend was well spent trying to beat Beau to a pulp using Morrigan, Psylocke, and Felicia (a.k.a Team BRA, i.e. Beta Gamma Alpha types). It was a near perfect port of the arcade game, and the Xbox and PS2 couldn't boast that.

Forward to now: Capcom releases the game on the 360 and PS3. To celebrate my victory over almost going broke, I got the 360 version for $14, left over from my bills. My anticipation went from excitement to disappointment. MvC2 suffers the same problem SF4 does. You need a fight stick to play it properly. I wouldn't be pissed if it weren't for two things: Capcom has failed twice where two games (one of them from a smaller developer) have succeeded before, and Capcom stands to make a profit off of the fight stick controller.

That's not the only issue I have with the port, though. I have hit face first into some major bugs that hurt the game play. Try this at home, kids. Stand behind some one and tell them to punch forward, away from you. Do you get hurt? Unless you're standing behind Chuck Norris, then no. Physics won't work like that. So, how come I'll land behind some one who is attacking away from me, but I get hit? Not only do I get hit, but also, in a flash, I'm suddenly in front of the guy, who has a combo going. At first, I thought I didn't land where I thought I did, but several times of doing the same thing later, I realized that this was a game breaking bug. Oh, and to make it worse, the balance that was in the Dreamcast port is gone. Ryu resorts to cheap tactics, like standing in one corner and doing fireball after fireball, and Magneto flies in the air and uses his assist characters to fight for him, that way, you can't see what's going on.

The game isn't what it promises to be. It isn't a Dreamcast port, its a remade SF4 with Marvel characters and severe gameplay issues. It wouldn't have been hard to heighten the sensitivity for the 360 controller (like freaking Aksys did with BlazBlue). Capcom just didn't want to. If this is going to be the quality of their product from now on, how can 360 gamers enjoy further games from them, fighting or otherwise?

And, I only raise that question because this is the second fighting game Capcom has done with the same control issue. Granted, other games, like Resident Evil 5 (which, I'll grudgingly admit to enjoying) aren't like that, if the fighting games aren't done properly, how are gamers going to trust the rest of Capcom's catalogue. And for PS3 gamers, imagine if this was the case with your system as well.

Busy Week and a horrible scanner.

Busy Week, and A Horrible Scanner
Normally, I'd say these words more carefully, but I had to say this to Binkie today: "If this works, I'll marry you." As all two of my regular readers know, I've been having scanner issues that hinder my art. Quite simply, it scans so brightly that I don't have the texture on the paper I need to work in photoshop. So, while taking her new Schnauzer, Barnaby, out for his walk, we we're talking about it, and she said "If you had a filter or something to put over the picture, so that it isn't bleached..."

It dawned on me. I had tracing paper. We came back in, I hooked up my scanner, scanned the picture with tracing paper over it, and it nearly worked. I have to make the lines a bit darker, but other than that, it worked perfectly. Never has anyone I dated been as smart and inspiring as Binkie, and I can't be happier. Even if our new "game" keeps on getting screwed up by outside forces.

In other news, I've been busy. School is one thing, but I have an offer to consider. The Army Reserves are offering me this: Wright Patt for a year, non-deployable, fix my knee, and tuition reimbursement. I've talked to my parents, Bink, Jim and his girlfriend, Heather, and even Patty, and they all think this is a good deal. Unfortunately, they were supposed to call Wednesday, but they didn't, so I have to call them Monday, as well as cook for Binkie's birthday after school. I've also been working on scripting (and drawing), and reviewing stuff.

Yesterday, though, Bink and I took a break from "work" and finally watched the Director's cut of "Watchmen," which I'll be watching again with the guys this weekend (no, I won't get tired of it. It's that good of a movie). I have one gripe: THE DAMN SEX SCENE IS STILL TOO LONG. Other than that, amazing. The scene with a certain character's death is magnificent (and better than the book's version because he fights back), and it doesn't feel like three hours. To top it off, it came in a Rorschach mask.

Anyway, off to do more stuff. I'll post soon... hopefully.

A first in a mini-series: Guitar Hero: World Tour. Part one: Guitar

I will start off by saying this: Neversoft... play Rock Band for Pete's sake! Let me go off onto a tangent here.

Rock Band did the band mechanic right, but Rock Band 2 perfected it. Before this becomes a fanboy rant, I don't mean that in the way it looks. I mean the game as a package. Instead of pumping out game after game, Harmonix made the second game as an "updated) version of Rock Band, improving the flaws, and even transferring some (most) of the songs. Instead of making sequel after sequel (The Beatles: Rock Band not withstanding), the made DLC, saw what else could be done (the harmony parts, a music creator that allows VOCALS), they announced that they're making patches that will allow this. No need for a new game every year, just keep it updated with new mechanics and songs to keep the game fresh.

That's the problem with Guitar Hero now. Instead of updating the game, Activision and Neversoft make new ones every year (making three at the same time this year!), and the quality of the games are completely lacking. I can tell this in two ways with the guitar in Guitar Hero.

Firstly, the songs that were in Rock Band are tracked exactly the same as they are in Rock Band. I let "Lazy Eye" by the Silversun Pickups slide due to it having rapid notes, but "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars? Now, yes I know that the fingering isn't going to change, but I'm also talking about the slider bar. The songs that are also on Rock Band don't use it, with the excepting of "Lazy Eye," which uses it absolutely wrong. The slider is used for two things: sliding notes and "tap" notes (or "empty strums"), neither of which "Lazy Eye" has! Most of the time, the transparent tap and slider notes are used as substitutes for hammer-ons, or as other instruments (i.e. the organ in "Mr. Crowley"). I'm assuming that's for points, but it seems lazy, which I can relate to, because it's so fun to relate (ten points for anyone who gets that joke).

On top of that, the slider is absolutely useless in the first place. Its a simple mechanic: slide from one note to the next. But, if you're going from Green to Blue, it detects the Red and Yellow, and ruins your streak. And to tap notes, you have to have the notes held down on the fret buttons that you're tapping on the slider. Why? You might as well strum anyway. It seems like a waste of time to even have the slider.

Secondly, the song selection and tracking. The selection is great (mostly), but why are the notes track to the point where someone on a Medium level has a hard time playing a song on the Easy level? I'll let "Hot for Teacher," (the hardest song in the game) slide on this, because that is a pain. But I did better on that than a Bullet for my Valentine song. Why? Because, A) the overuse of hammer-ons and pull offs, B) the slider mechanic is finicky and overused in the later tracks, and C) after Beginner, the notes are laid out on Expert difficulty minus the Blue and Orange frets, depending on what level you're on. So, essentially, you rapid strums while changing notes, constantly on an early level. On a track that should be: Green (beat) Red (beat) Red (beat) Green (beat) yellow (Beat) Blue, its GreenRedRedRedGreenYellowYellowGreenBlue, but twice as fast. Now, try that with CHORDS. How could this have been fixed? By taking time to do it right and re-tracking the songs for each level. Like the first two Guitar Hero games did. Like ROCK BAND does.

It isn't a complete waste, though. Neversoft has done something with it that I like. At times in songs, guitar players will do a slow strum on a chord. They'll strum on the first fret and hammer on a bit later on to the second fret and so forth. It's clever, and sounds natural. It actually amazes me that Harmonix hasn't done this yet (to my knowledge).

This is not to say that the game is horrible, though. Its good, but the overflow of mechanics and the speed the game was put through to be released has started to show. But, the difficulty of some of the songs and where they're placed is bizarre to say the least. On solo mode, the difficulty of the songs vary from instrument to instrument. So, on guitar, a hard guitar song would be later, but if that same song was on vocals and easier, it'd be earlier on vocals. "Hot for Teacher" is in the second to last level. The last songs you play are incredibly easy in comparison. Not only does that not make sense, but its also very badly placed. The credit song ( like "Through The Fire and the Flames" in GHIII) is "Pull Me Under" by Dream Theater. The name of the band set off a red light ("Panic Attack" and "Constant Motion" are pains in RB). I passed with a 98%. I'm not that good at the game (according to Bullet for my Valentine which I got my lowest rating of 84%). It's that easy of a song. It should be in the Middle tiers.

This is only a part of the review, peoples. I have Bass, Drums, Vocals, and over all game to get through. Now, while it looks like I'm bashing the guitar, I can't say much else. Other than the flaws I listed, and the benefit, it plays like Guitar Hero. It just needs tweaked... and tuned.

Me? Draw? No Way! (Read This, Even If You Don't Like Me At All)

First off, for those of you who stumble on this, a little info about me:

Name: Ben Wetzel

Age: 25

Height: 5'7"

Weight: Depends on what planet I'm on.

I'm a graphic design student, artist, gamer, and all around ranter. I'm completely bizarre in the art manner, because I see art where a lot of people wouldn't. I have several side projects, such as Taliesin, Goria, Hex, Shade, and Muzzle. But my main passion is flat out art, especially as of the past few years, pin-ups. This has gotten me into trouble before (you would not believe how many people think I'm sexist because of this), and you can imagine that I get sick of hearing this. Here's the kicker; a lot of my friends are women! Smart women who don't think I'm a pig. Why? Because, there is one simple fact that a lot of people are ignoring. One small, nearly insignificant fact, that's almost not worth mentioning. What is that fact, then? It's simple: They've known me for longer than ten seconds! Yes, imagine that, getting to know me means that you may find that I'm not a pig, but someone who actually sees this as art. Why bring this up? Is it because I'm drawing Pin-ups again? Is it because I'm drawing nudes? Yes, and no. I mean that's part of it.

The bigger part is that apparently, a lot of artists, both professional and amateur, have been getting a lot of crap for drawing nudes. Here's the context people. I'm in school for graphic design, and the first class I had were drawing classes. I had two drawing classes: one was objects, the other was life drawing. Guess what? For life drawing, we had a model come in and pose nude. Oh no! Save the children, a college has nudity! What will we ever do? I'm thinking no one reading this is shocked to hear that art schools have nude models. Good. But here's the kicker: Its not like artists can walk up to a woman and say "You have the most amazing eyes, I must draw them!" and win over someone's heart. This goes for finding nude models. To remedy this, they either go through agencies, or sometimes loved ones (do you know how many artists used their wives or husbands for inspiration?). Barring that, we have stock images, or magazines, some of which people have gotten jobs drawing for when they found out the artists were drawing from them. When these fail, we use out imagination.

Guess what, now? I don't exactly have flocks of women wanting to model for me, clothed or nude, or hell, even covered in a sheet to look like a ghost. So heaven forbid I have to use photos to get a pose right (a reference). That must mean I'm not creative, or that I'm a pervert. No, it means that I use a reference, and that if you think I, or any other artist, is a pervert, you must have your head up your ass. If you think that the nude human form is perverted, or that anyone using it for art is a pervert, the artist isn't the one with the problem; you are.

That being said, I'm very particular about the models or images I use for a reference. I'm aware people come in different body shapes, and not the 48ZZZ-22-36 figures you see in comics half of the time. This is another thing that gets me in trouble. I know way too much about how my characters are supposed to look. Take the Goria duo, Sodom and Gomorrah (http://thewindowkeeper.deviantart.com/art/Goria-Sodom-and-Gomorrah-82471763), for example. I know where Gomorrah's tattoos are, I know their hair colors, skin complexions, ages, heights, weights, the basics. I know how they walk, how Gomorrah sounds, and how they'd react in different events. But, I also know some other things about them. First, they happen to be romantically involved with one another. OH NO! A lesbian couple in a comic? I must be perverted. You can say that... but don't lesbian couples exist in the real world? Oh, but that doesn't matter, because I also seem to be the only one who takes my creations to this next measure.

I know both of their body types. I know Sodom's figure is 34B-23-36 and Gomorrah's is 38C-24-34. How many people can say that they created a female character, and memorized how her body looks? Not many. Why, then, do I do it? Does that mean I'm a pervert? NO! If I was a pervert, I'd be memorizing the sizes of my male characters' wangs! Do I? No, because that doesn't affect how they look to everyone witnessing these events. Unless I have a male character running around naked (and I probably never will, because I never have a female character doing that, either), no one would see it outside of privacy. But, women have body shapes that, most of the time, stand out physically, making them all different. This means breasts, hips, and waists. And, while yes, this affects men to an extent, it doesn't affect them to the extent that it affects women.

So, what does all of this mean? That I should only draw women with petite builds, or smaller breasts? No, because, I want to achieve some semblance of realism in my comics. And I need to do that with the characters, not only how they act, but how they look, and what their psychologies are. I'm so invested in making a character, that the only way I know they're worth working with is if I find someone who fits that build, both physically and mentally. Most of the time, I do, granted with out the abilities and genetic defects. Am I going to find a guy who can turn invisible or a deaf/mute woman who can make people suffer any mental defect she wants them to? No, but I can find people who look like them. Does this all make me a pervert? No. What it does is make me passionate about my hobby. The day I stop giving a crap what my characters should look like is the day I should probably stop drawing.

In that turn, I will continue to use reference photos. That is, unless, I start getting volunteers. And even then, in that off chance, I probably won't stop using reference photos. So, live with it, people. I'm not the only one who does.

Now that that's all done, here's what I'm working on now. I started designs for some of the Taliesin characters (one of which will be in the later stories). But I'm also going to do a promo thing. I'll be doing pin-ups and postersof my characters, from all of my "side" projects. Here's the list of one's I'll start first:

Jackie Macrix (Taliesin)

Sodom (Goria)

Gomorrah (Goria)

Sable (Shade)

Goria (Goria)

Elaine Carver (Goria)

Hex (Hex)

I'm also working on promo pieces for Taliesin. I'll post links and photos when they're ready, so keep an eye out.

The Taliesin Story

Taliesin: The Gemini Agenda

"Introduction: 'Screw That Dark and Stormy Night' Bullshit"

11:34 P.M.

The phone rang twenty-two times before Andrew Taliesin decided he was forced to answer it. He wasn't asleep, he was awake watching TV while twirling his cane like a color guard, the way he always spends his Friday nights. He scoffed at the name on the caller ID: "La Fayette Police Department." Hesitant, he answered the phone in his usual manner in handling Captain Gregory Ross: "What the hell do you want?"

"Andrew," Ross shot back, "still as charming as ever."

"I've been known to have my moments. Seriously, what do you want?"

"You have a case. Two--"

"Call Rade," Taliesin snapped. "He's on call tonight."

"He's here, and he said that you were on call."

Taliesin bit his lip at this. "Figures he'd say that. He probably thinks his daddy would bribe me to take his night on call. Then call Blake or Tong. Tong would be there in a heart beat... Blake may have to jump off the guy she's on."

Ross said the one thing Taliesin would regret hearing for the rest of his life. "Your whole team is here, and they're baffled. Rade threw up upon seeing the corpses, Blake and Flora turned pale, and Tong... well, Tong did nothing."

"'Nothing' is bad. It means Tong's puzzled. Why would that be?"

Ross sighed, tried to catch his breath, then sighed again. "Two bodies, one male, one female, on opposite ends of a painting of an angel. The letters "VI" are written over the angel. And the victim's faces were skinned off and switched."

Taliesin limped to the closet to grab is sweater jacket, then noticed the rain and grabbed his black, military dress rain coat. "Flora didn't get anything from it?"

"No... why?"

Taliesin rolled his eyes. "Because," he spat, "it's not 'VI.' It's "six." They were married, or living together. And had it not been the fact that you distacted me from a 'Babe's R Topless' commercial before it changed to a psychic hotline commercial, I'd gone to my sister first about the set up."

Ross muttered under his breath, then asked Taliesin, "Andrew, what the fuck is going on?"

Taliesin put on his jacket, and picked the phone up again. "It's a Tarot card, Greg. 'The Lovers.' Give me the address--"

"It's Lou Shmeckie's Bar--"

"I know the place. I'll be there in two minutes." He almost hung up, then said, "more likely after a huge police chase, or a major accident. Expect a shit load of back up."