I didn't think about how The Mystic died in it, which was pretty brutal, but still bloodless. We got birds instead. Still, watch The Fall. You will not regret it.
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Sunday, July 22, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
The Amazing Spider-Man Review
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Final thought on it. It's bad for a purist, but if you're new, you may either like it, or be ambivalent to it. The Illusive Uncle made it worth it, though.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Brain Junkfood: What's Wrong With This?: Lollipop Chainsaw
I, for the life of me, cannot understand several things:
1: Why people who don't believe in God say "God Bless You" after you sneeze.
2: Why vegetarians chastise people who eat meat for being unhealthy, when a lot of the time, they don't realize they need vitamin supplements.
3: Why people who can't tell the truth call everyone else liars.
4: Why Hugh Jackman, at 6'2", played Wolverine, who is 5'3".
5: Why people like Lollipop Chainsaw.
I'm saying this as a Suda 51 fan, too. I loved Killer7 and Shadows of the Damned up until its ending. Sure, I hated No More Heroes. but I felt that was more due to hype than actual flaws. Oh, and the trainer/rapist. Yeah... that guy...
But, why hate this game, his most normal game of all time? I mean, it's about a cheerleader who hunts monsters. What's wrong with that? So it's not brimming with originality, but either is Call of Duty. The most unusual thing about her is her decapitated boyfriend. She professes her love for his disembodied head. Oh, I'm sorry! Decapitated head. Apparently, his head had a head.
Let's talk about her for a second. There is a conflicting message when the character who tells you not to look up her skirt constantly bends over to show her underwear. Of course, she's trying to be a spoof of the feminist role model, with such lines as, "My mom shows why we wear our vaginas proudly." This is only funny to people who think that the show "Ugly Americans" is funny when every character says the word intercourse in the same nasal voice. The entire game's humor is like this. It tries too hard to be over the top. Let me put it this way, would you laugh if some random guy walked up to you, and started singing the chorus to Rammstein's song "Pussy" over and over and over. It's funny in context of the song, but out of thin air, it's stupid.
And now, that song's going to be stuck in my head. Well... fuck.
In speaking of music, only one joke comes to mind that does work. I killed a boss zombie, and he said "I have that Katy Perry song stuck in my head. Oh, what a terrible way to die!" The only reason I found that funny is because I felt sorry for the poor bastard. I also felt sorry for the bodyless boyfriend because he was the only likable character in the game. Your character, Juliet, is just so damned bubbleheaded and cliche, that she sets women in video games back further than the new Tomb Raider game does with its camera angles and overtly sexually designed "not rape" (you're not fooling anyone Crystal Dynamics). I mean the game makes her so much of a stereotype of the stupid cheerleader in skimpy clothes (including an unlockable string bikini that barely covers a damned thing), that she makes the Dead or Alive games seem like a step forward. And that's including the volleyball games.
Wait... what? WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me?! This is being praised by feminists. Why? Well if you didn't read the article, let me sum it up. The male lead is emasculated, there for it's good for feminists. I could see the argument for her facing her body dysmorphic disorder head on and plowing through zombies. But, no, it's because Nick's head is cut off against his own will, and Juliet forces him to do things he doesn't want to do. She's, in a way, raping him. This isn't feminism. This in misandry. This is no better than the shit a lot of women feel like their put through by men.
I know at least one person is going to say, "Doesn't feel good, does it?" I'm not going to dignify that with response, mainly because I always knew that. The only response that will get is a, "Fuck you in the the cervical vertebrae, you crossbreed of a donkey punching bitch and a santorum drinking baboon."
This isn't feminism. I learned from a friend that done right, feminism is humanism. It's equal rights for all genders, not just women. It isn't just that women are better taken care of, but also acknowledging that these things can happen to everyone irregardless of gender. Both women and men face sexism. Men can get raped. Good feminism sets out to right these wrongs in anyway legally that they can. This game isn't feminism. It's absolute garbage. Immature, half-baked garbage. Suda 51, what were you thinking?
Oh, James Gunn wrote the game. James Gunn, the same guy who wrote Tromeo and Juliet, the movie with the man picking up pieces of his brain and placing them in his skull. The man who wrote the three foot penis monster into a movie. The man who though having Juliet's father beat his wife and sexually abuse her was "funny."
Yeah, he's really who we should take as a feminist role model, people. He's about as good at that as a porn star would be good for talking about abstinence. Or Todd McFarlane standing up for copyright issues.
In the end, this game needs to be given the ET treatment. Every copy needs to get recalled, and buried in a landfill. That landfill, then needs to be jettisoned into space, from which it'll be sent back to us from more intelligent life with a note that says, "We'll be there shortly to destroy your planet. Not because we need resources, but because we want to show you what our brain cells felt while they were dying."
Friday, June 22, 2012
First Impressions of the Summer's First Official Releases (and some older games that I never played)
Older games:
Stuntman: Ignition: Why does every vehicle control like a brick with propellers? Where's my tutorial? Sweet mother of God, How do I drive?! Oh, R2. Got it. What? I missed the first stunt because it was right in front of me and I thought it was going to make me lose? Thank God you were only $5.
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit: I can wreck cars listening to Evans Blue. Plays well, sounds great, and... McLarens?! Veyrons?! Yup... I'm sold.
Need for Speed: Underground: Open world racing, but with out the car crashing fun of Hot Pursuit. Needs a custom soundtrack, but still fun.
Toy Story 3: ...why is this game so much fun?!
New:
Lego Batman 2: DC Superheroes: Open world and new driving controls are a must for the game. Same Lego gameplay, but with new voice acting that seems underused. Some badly designed puzzles, though. Oh, and Superman is a dick.
Inversion: At first, I would say "not fun, and stale." By the time I realized I was playing for an hour and a half, I noticed that the gravity mechanic is interesting and fun, and the story is pretty good, if not deep. Feels like a Sci-Fi Army of Two which is not bad.
Lollipop Chainsaw: If I hear the following words one more time, I will kill someone: Vagina, pleasuring, masturbation, tits, whore, fucking whore, birthday, Jimmy Urine, and like. The only words that were on that list before: birthday and like.
Stuntman: Ignition: Why does every vehicle control like a brick with propellers? Where's my tutorial? Sweet mother of God, How do I drive?! Oh, R2. Got it. What? I missed the first stunt because it was right in front of me and I thought it was going to make me lose? Thank God you were only $5.
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit: I can wreck cars listening to Evans Blue. Plays well, sounds great, and... McLarens?! Veyrons?! Yup... I'm sold.
Need for Speed: Underground: Open world racing, but with out the car crashing fun of Hot Pursuit. Needs a custom soundtrack, but still fun.
Toy Story 3: ...why is this game so much fun?!
New:
Lego Batman 2: DC Superheroes: Open world and new driving controls are a must for the game. Same Lego gameplay, but with new voice acting that seems underused. Some badly designed puzzles, though. Oh, and Superman is a dick.
Inversion: At first, I would say "not fun, and stale." By the time I realized I was playing for an hour and a half, I noticed that the gravity mechanic is interesting and fun, and the story is pretty good, if not deep. Feels like a Sci-Fi Army of Two which is not bad.
Lollipop Chainsaw: If I hear the following words one more time, I will kill someone: Vagina, pleasuring, masturbation, tits, whore, fucking whore, birthday, Jimmy Urine, and like. The only words that were on that list before: birthday and like.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Editorial: Unnecessary Roughness: Drawing the Line Between Character Development and Pain for Pain's Sake
Tomb Raider had an impressive showing at E3 this year. We got to see Lara get out of traps, fight, and almost get raped. Let me rephrase my first sentence: Tomb Raider had a seriously upsetting showing at E3 this year. But, the issue isn't as cut and dry as a previously viewed as tough as nails female hero being sexually assaulted as it seems. The issue goes deeper than is it necessary. It goes to "Is she the right character" territory.
Rape in the media isn't a new thing. It is, however, fairly new to the video game community. The first time I remember it being placed in a game was Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain. We meet our female protagonist, Madison, fighting off several attackers. One tosses her on a bed, and attempts to grab her legs. Throughout the fight, she is in her underwear, having just woken up. (Warning: The video is not suitable for all audiences). She wakes up, realizing that it was a dream. But, further interaction with the character shows that it may have been a memory as well. She cannot sleep in her apartment after having the dream. When kidnapped by a psychotic doctor, she's more panicked about being tied up than she is fighting her way out. She even is visibly uncomfortable when fully stripping for an informant in order to get information. If you made her fully strip... shame on you (I went for the lamp as soon as I could).
It molds her character and personality, but it doesn't mean she's weak. In fact, it helps the player understand her motivations, and makes her human. She is no longer just a video game character, but a person with a history. She even fights her attackers in a panicked, realistic way for someone with no training at all, attempting to strike the face, and using home objects as weapons.
Lara Croft doesn't have that much of a history from the first game. She is an explorer, and raids... well... tombs. She fights with her guns and acrobatic abilities. She is a hero in her old right, who didn't have to worry about guys trying to assault her, other than kill her. If anything, she had more to worry about from the development team than the bad guys in the game when it came to sex crimes.
New Lara Croft looks like a teenaged girl (17-18). She is constantly being bloodied in one way or another, whether it's the environment or baddies. She's supposedly human and vulnerable. She isn't the Lara Croft we know.
Does that mean the attack is needed? No. In fact, to me, it makes absolutely no sense at all. A guy tries to help her, then turns around and tries to rape her. There isn't any sort of anger, it's just him trying to rape her. The most important thing to understand about rape is that it's not the victim's fault The other thing is that it's not about sex, it's about control and violence. New Lara wasn't designed with sex in mind, at least not as much as the Old Lara.
Here's the clincher, though. Not only is New Lara not trained in any form of combat, and is faced with this horrifying event, her reaction is ridiculous. She kicks him in the groin, bites off his ear, shoots him repeatedly, in the groin, of course, and runs away as he chases her. Yes, rape is the most atrocious crime people can commit, some say worse than murder (which I'm inclined to agree with). Yes, kicking a guy in the groin has been suggested as a defense (though the knee joint works better).
But, even considering the event, this seems over the top. One, Lara is not thew character you want to reboot with this gritty of an event. Can you imagine if Mario had a reboot where Bowser was a serial killer and wore Peach's skin like a body suit? No, because that's not the audience Mario is aimed towards.
What makes it worse is that American audiences are okay with this, but we have yet to have a positive character who is homosexual. When Japan had a positive homosexual male character in a game (Persona 3), the character was changed to a straight bully in the American version, because a gay character would not be accepted. Rape and castration are fine, but a positive reinforcement that not all gay men are effeminate is not. This is the message we're sending our future generation.
The more footage I see of Tomb Raider, the more I know I'll pass. It's turning out to be less of a Tomb Raider game and more of Manhunt aka, the Happy Violent Murder Simulator. Heavy Rain did the character development right, by keeping it in grounds with both reality, and how the character acts. This comes off as an attention grabbing technique with a "quick fix" in order to keep the extreme rights groups in check. Which, when you think of it, is offensive in itself, as they see all feminists being angry and violent against men. I guess the moral of the story is, "Why stop at rape when we can offend everyone?"
Rape in the media isn't a new thing. It is, however, fairly new to the video game community. The first time I remember it being placed in a game was Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain. We meet our female protagonist, Madison, fighting off several attackers. One tosses her on a bed, and attempts to grab her legs. Throughout the fight, she is in her underwear, having just woken up. (Warning: The video is not suitable for all audiences). She wakes up, realizing that it was a dream. But, further interaction with the character shows that it may have been a memory as well. She cannot sleep in her apartment after having the dream. When kidnapped by a psychotic doctor, she's more panicked about being tied up than she is fighting her way out. She even is visibly uncomfortable when fully stripping for an informant in order to get information. If you made her fully strip... shame on you (I went for the lamp as soon as I could).
It molds her character and personality, but it doesn't mean she's weak. In fact, it helps the player understand her motivations, and makes her human. She is no longer just a video game character, but a person with a history. She even fights her attackers in a panicked, realistic way for someone with no training at all, attempting to strike the face, and using home objects as weapons.
Lara Croft doesn't have that much of a history from the first game. She is an explorer, and raids... well... tombs. She fights with her guns and acrobatic abilities. She is a hero in her old right, who didn't have to worry about guys trying to assault her, other than kill her. If anything, she had more to worry about from the development team than the bad guys in the game when it came to sex crimes.
New Lara Croft looks like a teenaged girl (17-18). She is constantly being bloodied in one way or another, whether it's the environment or baddies. She's supposedly human and vulnerable. She isn't the Lara Croft we know.
Does that mean the attack is needed? No. In fact, to me, it makes absolutely no sense at all. A guy tries to help her, then turns around and tries to rape her. There isn't any sort of anger, it's just him trying to rape her. The most important thing to understand about rape is that it's not the victim's fault The other thing is that it's not about sex, it's about control and violence. New Lara wasn't designed with sex in mind, at least not as much as the Old Lara.
Here's the clincher, though. Not only is New Lara not trained in any form of combat, and is faced with this horrifying event, her reaction is ridiculous. She kicks him in the groin, bites off his ear, shoots him repeatedly, in the groin, of course, and runs away as he chases her. Yes, rape is the most atrocious crime people can commit, some say worse than murder (which I'm inclined to agree with). Yes, kicking a guy in the groin has been suggested as a defense (though the knee joint works better).
But, even considering the event, this seems over the top. One, Lara is not thew character you want to reboot with this gritty of an event. Can you imagine if Mario had a reboot where Bowser was a serial killer and wore Peach's skin like a body suit? No, because that's not the audience Mario is aimed towards.
What makes it worse is that American audiences are okay with this, but we have yet to have a positive character who is homosexual. When Japan had a positive homosexual male character in a game (Persona 3), the character was changed to a straight bully in the American version, because a gay character would not be accepted. Rape and castration are fine, but a positive reinforcement that not all gay men are effeminate is not. This is the message we're sending our future generation.
The more footage I see of Tomb Raider, the more I know I'll pass. It's turning out to be less of a Tomb Raider game and more of Manhunt aka, the Happy Violent Murder Simulator. Heavy Rain did the character development right, by keeping it in grounds with both reality, and how the character acts. This comes off as an attention grabbing technique with a "quick fix" in order to keep the extreme rights groups in check. Which, when you think of it, is offensive in itself, as they see all feminists being angry and violent against men. I guess the moral of the story is, "Why stop at rape when we can offend everyone?"
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