Book 'Em, Dano!: The "L.A. Noire" review

As I said in the Heavy Rain review, it's rare that a game comes by that is both innovative and entertaining enough to keep itself original. While Heavy Rain's type of style has been done before, it was changed enough that the game felt fresh and played amazingly well. It was my favorite game of last year, not because it was gorgeous, but because it was a game that had something to say, and say it, it did in a manner that gamers weren't used to, but could enjoy. Even if you didn't like it, you can not deny that it was different, and maybe even innovative.

L.A. Noire is mostly the same case (no pun intended). It's an open world game, but with more to offer that you'd expect. You play as Detective Cole Phelps as he works in the streets of 1947 Los Angeles, going through different fields of work, from homicide to vice. Along with this story are two side stories, one involving Phelps past in WWII, and another involving a morphine smuggling ring. These three elements tie together towards the end of the game, as you would expect. The trick is that the story doesn't force the three branches into each other, they flow pretty damn well. L.A. Noire's story is one of the best stories of any game released this year, bar non.

This is only enhanced by the game play. While you do have shooting/fighting and chase scenes that at times become a little bit redundant, they do feel like they fit in to the whole game. Suspects may try to push things in your way, or even trap you, but the chases are done so they aren't impossibly hard. I usually am horrible at them, and I've caught my perp every time. The shooting is like fellow Rockstar alum Red Dead Redemption minus the dead eye meter. It works well, but there's no real innovation with it (then again, it didn't need it). Fighting feels more natural than it does in most Rockstar games, but at the same time, is still the weakest part of the game. It's mostly pressing one button until they bad guy is dazed, then finish him. There is no variation from it. Again, though, it really doesn't need it, because the game does make up for it, in a big way.

That way is the game's core mechanic: investigation. As Phelps, you'll do a lot of if, ranging from hunting for evidence to interviewing suspects. As you hunt for evidence, the control will vibrate, and a chime will sound, letting you know of any clues in the area. Not all clues are relevant to the investigation, but will boost your case rating anyway as you can rule them out. Most reviewers said that the game's investigation and clue hunts were redundant, and I have to disagree to a point. While you will do it a lot, keep in mind that police investigators do it a lot, too. My point is, what else did you really expect, reviewers?

The other aspect of investigation is interviewing. Seeing as it is impossible to talk about this without talking about the graphics, I'm going to have to delve into it. The motion scanning used in this game is absolutely amazing. As you're interviewing people, you can read their emotions to see if they're lying or not. If they are lying, you need to prove that they are. If you don't have proof, you can doubt what they're saying. The problem is that sometimes, you need to go somewhere to get proof before interviewing people. If you happen to not do things in the right order, you can still solve the case, but you're rating will be docked. Watching people's reactions change and shift is amazing, and at times humorous. At least one person you interview will say something and pose afterwards (with their hands on their hips like Isaiah Mustafa holding a towel). Not only is it funny, but it adds a sense of realism to the characters.

As a whole, the graphics are amazing. Rockstar managed to make a city that does feel like it's a live, as well as characters that are individualistic. Adding to the games appearances are voice actors who are some of the best at their jobs. Aaron Stanton does a stand-up job as Cole Phelps. The rest of the cast shines equally as well, and includes familiar faces such as Adam Harrington ("Dexter"), Greg Grunberg (Heroes, as well as Condemned: Criminal Origins) and John Noble ("Fringe"). This game is a Leonard Nimoy short of voice acting perfection... okay, I take that back after thinking about Sea-Man.

L.A. Noire is a treasure in a pile of rubbish games, the diamond in the silicon rough. Compared to games that are currently out (Brink, Naughty Bear: Gold Edition, Thor), this is the one game worthy of the hype most other games aspire to have. There were a few glitches (characters getting stuck in elevators and clipping) but nothing game breaking. For your money L.A. Noire is a case worth cracking.

Over all:

A

+Beautifully rendered
+ Amazing story
+ Best voice work in a long time
+ Innovative and interesting game play
- Minor glitches
- Fisticuffs is a little long in the tooth.

In Memoriam

Randall Mario"Macho Man Randy Savage" Poffo

November 15, 1952 - May 20, 2011

Ohio lost one of the greats today.

You will be missed, brother!

I...Am...Bored!: The "Thor: God of Thunder" Review

It's a known fact that licenced video games are generally terrible. Case in point: Saw II: Flesh and Blood, the only game I've played to date that flips you off for beating it, and you know that you deserve it. It can be attributed to being rushed, or just because the designers didn't care about the product enough. Thor: God of Thunder is one of the weird ones. The team is the same people who made the X-Men Origins: Wolverine game that was actually a lot of fun. Yet, Thor comes off as a chore for the Ages.

Let's start with the funniest thing wrong with it: the acting. If this is how Thor and Loki act in the movie, I'm all ready bored. Chris Helmsworth doesn't show any emotion at all. Casually mentioning, "I am Thor," instead of belting it out, he sounds like Ben Stein asking Ferris Bueller to answer a question. Loki isn't much better. This line is delivered as flat as it is written here: "I will do what's best for Asgard and for Loki." I'm pretty damn sure that there is an italic in there, somewhere.

Game play is just as boring. It's the God of War style game, but with only one attack button, a magic button, jump, and grapple. You can only grapple certain enemies at certain times, and half of those times, it doesn't work. You cycle magic with the left and right arrows, and use down for-- I'm sorry, I can't keep from laughing at this-- a hint button. Hints in a game where you beat the living crap out of people with a hammer. It's even more worthless when most of the hints are just what the level objective is. If you are stuck, reminding you what you need to do without any other direction is going to help.

You'll be stuck a lot, too, mainly because the game is glitchy as hell. Several times in the game, progress had been blocked by walls that I needed to destroy. The problem was that I couldn't destroy said walls until it realized that I was stuck. I'd be trying to progress for five minutes until the game figured out that it should let me go on. Other times, enemies will not take damage from attacks, even if they show that they are. I've had instances of floating enemies, and, my personal favorite, enemies that ignore you entirely, and attack midair. Even more infuriating is Thor's attacks randomly going spastic, causing his hammer to fly away from him in a random direction, usually toward the player, and miss everything attacking him.

Graphically, the game is equally horrendous. At one point, I was on a bridge, and water was flowing across it. As the camera turned, the water was still flowing the same way, across the screen, like an old Doom sprite. Even better, the snow in the background was blurry and unpolished, resembling Playstation One graphics. Characters are very plastic looking, as well, showing even less emotion than the voice actors... which is still dumbfounding. I've also fought five different versions of the same three enemies, including bosses. This isn't acceptable in downloaded games, why is it here?

Thor: God of Thunder is not worthy of existence. The only redeeming quality it has is that it isn't Saw 2, and even then Saw 2 had the unintentional humor to it that this game doesn't have. It reeks of being made by people who just didn't care about the material enough to make a quality game, nor a product. If you look up cash-in, Thor: God of Thunder would be the picture next to it.

Overall: D-

+ Not Saw II: Flesh and Blood
- Glitchy as Saw II
- Boring voice acting
- Anemic variety
- One button combat, really?
- A fucking hint system?
- Graphics and sound will make your eyes and ears bleed.