Riddle Me This: How Much Should I Pay For Having The Joker Mentioning Wearing a Thong?

Review time again, kiddies!

Developer: Rocksteady

Publisher: Eidos

Game: Batman: Arkham Asylum

There is a point in the game where Scarecrow gasses you and Joker asks: "What are you most afraid of? Failure to catch criminals? Deaths of loved ones? Me-- IN A THONG?!" The line cracks you up, but does not in anyway make you forget that your playing in a serious game. You are throat deep in psychotic inmates, the city is in danger, and to top it all off, not one but FIVE of your worst enemies has it out for you. This is a night in the life of Batman, and not your usual one either.

I'm usually reluctant to buy into hyped, "big-named" titles, mainly because by the time I play them, I've played something better. People have fond memories of "Resident Evil," I was scared shitless by "Silent Hill." Boys wanted to be Dante and hunt demons, I wanted to be Kratos, and destroy mythology. The lone exception to this has been "Bioshock," and that game made "Doom 3" look like drivel... (OK... so it kind of was in a way, but it was still a good game). But, when I heard the concept, I was on board for the ride. Batman locked in Arkham with the Joker. Fine. Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill and Arleen Sorkin voicing Batman, Joker, and Harley. Holy Nerdgasm!

As I said, Joker takes over Arkham, lets almost every inmate free, and takes control of the island, leaving Batman to stop him. On top of that, Riddler wants you to try to prove that you are smarter than him, Scarecrow wants to scare you for his experiment, Poison Ivy wants to save her "babies," and Croc wants to... eat you. Hey, we can't all have intelligent schemes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FuAuWgZmQM). The entire game takes place through out the asylum, and you'll do some back tracking, but by the time you do, the area has changed drastically. This keeps the game from getting monotonous, and is extremely effective.

A lot of people compare the game to "Bioshock," but for the wrong reasons. The story is somewhat similar, but there is no twist in the game. Instead, you fight hordes of henchmen, sometimes having to be a silent predator, and occasionally face your fears. The one gripe is the predator parts, mainly because the difficulty isn't gradual enough. You start fighting four guys and being able to hide by swinging from gargoyle to gargoyle. Halfway through the game, you face eight guys, and they rigged the gargoyles to explode when you perch on them, or someone sees you, even though his back is turned. This could be because stealth games aren't my forte, though.

The game looks nothing like the Unreal engine at some points, and this is good. Joker and Scarecrow shouldn't look super buff, and thanks to the design team, they look right. But, some of the concept art for the bios... since when did Dr. Hugo Strange have biceps the size of his chest? At least Penguin looks like a human instead of a mutated Danny DaVito. This isn't to say that the main bosses all look good, though. Croc looks like a lizard (ichthyosis isn't that extreme without being deadly), and Bane looks like a Mardi Gras themes Lucha Libre.

Voice work is mostly hit, with one big miss: The Riddler. He sounds too much like a high school AV student who thinks he's better than everyone, and not enough like a genius know-it-all. Mark Hamill is great as Joker (too bad its the last time he'll play him), and Scarecrow sends chills at times. What makes these lines work, whether the voice work is bad, or superb, is the writing. Riddler at one point asks a riddle, and his version of the answer is absolutely disturbing. This may be a T rated game, but scenes like this (and the final boss) make you wonder how it is.

Most action games take about 8 hours to beat. Arkham took a little under 24, total. This is well worth the money alone. But, perhaps the most interesting part is that, while not once, do you forget you're Batman, this game would work with Strider, or Shinobi. That says something about the quality of the game. Even if you don't like superheroes, this game is worth a look.

Overall: A

+ Great Production

+ Plays Great, Sounds Great, Looks Great

- Should've been rated "M"

- Riddler sounds like a child

-/+ Sequel?

Thoughts On Goria #1: Fighting Techniques, Models, and Shorts

I've been developing this comic for nine years, and I'm now getting to the point that I am starting to seriously work on Goria. This weekend, I'm working with two models that are posing as Sodom and Gommorah, and planning on short stories, and I'm planning "animations" of character's fighting techniques. I'm going to start with the fighting techniques of certain characters.

The first one is, of course, Goria. Goria uses an unusual technique for fighting, as it really doesn't fit any classification. Instead of relying on combinations of punches and kicks, Goria relies on defending himself at the same time he's fighting. He sets his tendrils out to block incoming attacks, grapple, and counter attack, while swinging and kicking. While this could keep his enemies on their toes, it keeps him balanced, and grounded to reality, as he's trying to avoid getting hit. On top of this, most of his movements are quick ground or arial launch moves that take advantage of his gymnastic abilities, such as using his tentacles as a makeshift pummelhorse, and swinging from flagpoles and ledges. Due to the constant changing of style that he uses, I can only describe this as "organic."

As a contrast, I was thinking of Azrael's fighting style. Azrael, for those new to this, is the "ultimate infected," a woman who was infected with such a high amount of Necrocyte, that her body mutated into an monstrosity, bones piercing her skin, skin worn to expose dried, over developed muscle, and odd protrusions that she uses as make shift weapons. When she fights, she tends to go for more severe blows, the heavier the better. She doesn't waste time trying to tire her opponent out, she hits hard, to fit her savage nature. She is the perfect contrast to Goria's technique, which also means that her technique is his weakness, as he may not be able to block every hit without getting hurt more and more.

I'm currently working on writing Goria shorts, that will show a little bit of the background of the characters. This presents an bizarre challenge with Sodom and Gomorrah. Gomorrah truely loves Sodom, and that's easy to portray. But, at the same time, I have to portray Sodom as someone who sees their relationship as a purely parasitic relationship. Sodom is only in the relationship for her benefit, but she hides this from Gomorrah, using her ability to make Gomorrah think that Sodom's emotions are genuine.

Now, to finish, I'm working on promo posters and covers. I'm finding that there are a lot of models that fit my needs right now. Playboy models Jessica Boston looks nearly identical to Elaine Carver, my lawyer is the inspiration for Mina Ross, and Playboy model Tiffany Schlumbrecht looks exactly like Sodom. But the most unusual find came from my friend, Jenna, and that would be the reference model for Gomorrah. Jenna's friend, Regan, bears not only a striking resemblance to Gomorrah facially and build-wise, but even has the tattoos. I've hit a run of finding people that look extremely close to my characters, and I think that's a good thing, because it means that I'm making characters as realistic as possible. W00.

Capcom, You Greedy, Money Grubbing Jerks

I'll be honest, I have nothing against the PS3, other than most of its line up. Little Big Planet looks fun as hell, and Infamous looks amazing. Those are the only two Exclusive games I'd buy for it, though, and its not worth the $400 that I don't have. And I'm happy being a PS2-DS-Wii60 owner. Between a choice of Drake's Fortune and Gears of War, give me a "NICE!" any day. I'm not alone in this process of thinking, as millions would probably agree.

So, that established, why in the hell can't Capcom figure this out for themselves? I bought Street Fighter IV months ago, and sold it the next day because Capcom programmed the game to work perfectly with the "Fight Stick," and not so well with the 360 controller. I'll admit that the thumb sticks are loose and bad for fighting games, but I was happy at the time, because I could play Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. Later, I bought BlazBlue, and realized something: the controls weren't the issue, the programming was. BlazBlue uses many of the same joystick movements that the Street Fighter series has used, and it doesn't need a fight stick to play.

Go to years ago; me and my older brother spent weekends playing Marvel vs Capcom 2 on his Dreamcast. The play was fun, the graphics were amazing, and the weekend was well spent trying to beat Beau to a pulp using Morrigan, Psylocke, and Felicia (a.k.a Team BRA, i.e. Beta Gamma Alpha types). It was a near perfect port of the arcade game, and the Xbox and PS2 couldn't boast that.

Forward to now: Capcom releases the game on the 360 and PS3. To celebrate my victory over almost going broke, I got the 360 version for $14, left over from my bills. My anticipation went from excitement to disappointment. MvC2 suffers the same problem SF4 does. You need a fight stick to play it properly. I wouldn't be pissed if it weren't for two things: Capcom has failed twice where two games (one of them from a smaller developer) have succeeded before, and Capcom stands to make a profit off of the fight stick controller.

That's not the only issue I have with the port, though. I have hit face first into some major bugs that hurt the game play. Try this at home, kids. Stand behind some one and tell them to punch forward, away from you. Do you get hurt? Unless you're standing behind Chuck Norris, then no. Physics won't work like that. So, how come I'll land behind some one who is attacking away from me, but I get hit? Not only do I get hit, but also, in a flash, I'm suddenly in front of the guy, who has a combo going. At first, I thought I didn't land where I thought I did, but several times of doing the same thing later, I realized that this was a game breaking bug. Oh, and to make it worse, the balance that was in the Dreamcast port is gone. Ryu resorts to cheap tactics, like standing in one corner and doing fireball after fireball, and Magneto flies in the air and uses his assist characters to fight for him, that way, you can't see what's going on.

The game isn't what it promises to be. It isn't a Dreamcast port, its a remade SF4 with Marvel characters and severe gameplay issues. It wouldn't have been hard to heighten the sensitivity for the 360 controller (like freaking Aksys did with BlazBlue). Capcom just didn't want to. If this is going to be the quality of their product from now on, how can 360 gamers enjoy further games from them, fighting or otherwise?

And, I only raise that question because this is the second fighting game Capcom has done with the same control issue. Granted, other games, like Resident Evil 5 (which, I'll grudgingly admit to enjoying) aren't like that, if the fighting games aren't done properly, how are gamers going to trust the rest of Capcom's catalogue. And for PS3 gamers, imagine if this was the case with your system as well.